EXP: November 2007

Curious about the expiration date stickers posted around campus?

They announce the date of EXP's latest UNLIKELY EVENT. But is this unlikely event for you? Well, please take a moment to consider this questionnaire...

1. You have an attention span of approximately 1 minute and 30 seconds
2. You love cartoons but worry about age-appropriateness
3. You eat food provided for you
4. You've often thought: "Why can't watching YouTube be a community-building activity? Why must I always choose between my laptop and my friends? Why doesn't somebody just rent a projector and play some animation on the wall of their living room and then give me a blanket and a beer and can't there please be a Klezmer band too?"

If any of the above apply to you, EXP has a solution:

CLIPS AND CHIPS
Student animation, food, drink and live music
Friday 11/31, 9:30
208 Williams (off of Hope), 3rd floor.

The script, the script!

(me)
Hello, good afternoon,
I hope you’re having a wonderful day
We are a performance group from College Hill, and we’d like to show you a short play.
To perform it take five minutes tops
We can do it right here, outside, in sunshine or rain drops.

Alright, well,, without further ado, we present to you our show,
It’s all in good fun, so please don’t go…

(Jose)
Much thanks for letting us perform for you,
We’re excited to tell you this story anew.
It’s sort of sad, so tears may seep
But I have with me tissues in case you must weep.

(Elise)
Ay, he’s right, it’s a tale of great woe
Where a brave soldier doth fight, and his life doth go.
He is married you see, and his wife is saddened.
But a genius doctor arrives who is skilled though maddened.

(me)
And now we’ll act the story from here
Because we don’t want boredom too near.
From the left we see the soldier enter
Speaking casually with his fighting mentor.

(Soldier)
Oh man, I married this amazing girl.
She’s my love, my heart, my body’s pearl.
If anyone dares take her from me,
A fight will have to be his fee.

(Mentor)
Yes, yes, understandably so,
Your wife is as pretty as a golden doe.
[To the side]
So pretty in fact that I want her for me.
I’ll steal her from him today by three.

(Soldier)
What’s that dear mentor, do you talk to yourself?
Oh please speak up, not like some small elf.
[looking at his clock] Woah, it looks as if I’ve lost track of time
It’s nearly 3, so to work I must climb.

(soldier climbs away)
(mentor approaches soldier’s wife)

(mentor)
Hello there miss, you’re looking real fine
I was just wondering if you want to be mine.
I’ve got money and gifts and a home for you
We could be together in love us two.

(wife)
Oh dear I’m really sorry to say
I recently married in the month of may.
My husband, he’s a brave soldier in town.
He makes me so happy I never frown.

(mentor)
[getting evil] Well then, I’ll have to take you by force,
Your love will not affect my course.
You’re to be mine you see, I love you so,
Don’t think about running, there’s nowhere to go.

(Just then the soldier enters)
(soldier)
What’s this mentor? Do you steal my wife?
Aha! Well then! Meet my knife! [He wips out his sword]
Let’s duel, you and me, until someone dies
Because you can’t have my wife! Oh look! She sighs!

[wife sighs]

(wife)
Dear husband, please, you must win this fight
I love you so much, with all of my might.
If you die today, I don’t know what I’ll do,
I’ll mourn all my life at the church’s pew.

(mentor)
Even as she’s about to faint, I think she’s the loveliest of all
(soldier)
[angrily] Don’t even think about it mentor, you’re about to meet your fall.
(mentor)
Oh, you make me laugh you soldier you
I’ll kill you in a moment, on the count of two.

(crowd counts to two)
(soldier and mentor fight)
(mentor kills soldier, who yells out)
(wife rushes to his body, hysterical)

(wife)
Oh my God! You’ve killed him now!
I hate you, I do, you’re the worst kind of foul.
Run away from here, I’ll never be yours!
[to the crowd]Is there a doctor here who knows many cures?!
(mentor runs away in horror)
(mad doctor appears from the crowd)

(doctor)
Yes, there is, I can save your man’s life
I’m an expert, you see, at curing wounds from a knife.
I’ll give him two drops of this magic potion
And in one minute, his body will be back in motion.

(Doctor administers potion. Soldier returns to life)

(wife)
Hooray! You’re back! I thought it’d never be so!
I couldn’t stand the idea that you had to go!
This doctor saved you, he’s amazing, the best!
Though he does wear funny clothing, just look at his vest!

(doctor)
Now, now, don’t judge me by the way I dress
I happen to be a lunatic, I must confess.
But my lunacy makes me the best doctor on earth
And no one can deny that I bring them much mirth!

(soldier)
You certainly do, doctor, thank you so much.
For saving my life, I’ll treat you to lunch.
My wife and I are excellent cooks
We’ll reward you for all the effort you took.

(The three march off joyfully to lunch)

(Jose)
And so, you see, the tale does not end so crappy.
(Elise)
That’s right, happiness was resolves awfully snappy.
(Me)
What we hope is that it’s made the audience happy
(Jose)
Despite the fact that it was awfully sappy.

(everyone)
The end!

(me)
Thanks you for watching, and now we’ll move on
Have a wonderful weekend once we are gone!

Instantly, Jose hits play on the boom box!